HAPPY WOMEN LOVE MEN

There are happy women.

There is no ultimate woman. There is no perfect woman; no ideal woman. An ideal is what a woman strives to be; there is always room for improvement as we work towards fulfilling our potential. (and, with respect to the line in the movie Jerry McGuire, it is not another person who fulfills or completes us...).

A woman actualizes her potential through her deeds. There is a saying: A woman's work is never done. She is never complete or perfect as there is always room for improvement.

There is a poem that begins with the idea that the value of a woman is more than pearls or rubies. The poem is listed at the very end of this webpage.

Following is the description of the 22 characteristics of an ultimate woman.

1. PRICELESS.

2. TRUSTWORTHY.

3. ALIGNED INTENTION.

4. DISCERNMENT.

5. ASTUTE DISTINCTION.

6. ENCOURAGING EFFORT.

7. TRANSACTIONS.

8. POSITIVITY RECEPTOR.

9. ILLUMINATING REFLECTOR.

10. EBB & FLOW.

11. CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTION.

12. CHARACTER FLEXIBILITY.

13. ENVIRONMENT.

14. POSITIVE INFLUENCE.

15. LIVELIHOOD.

16. DIGNITY.

17. WISE WORDS.

18. WISE OBSERVATIONS.

19. JOYOUS RECOGNITION.

20. HUMBLE VIRTUE.

21. INNER ESSENCE.

22. CROSSING THRESHOLDS.

PRICELESS. A woman is priceless beyond monetary or material value. At the time of the slave trade there was a cost to a person. Women are like the Mastercard® commercial, priceless, and no woman should be compared to the value of an inanimate object such as money.

You may take the view that money is a form of energy and power. Money does have energy power to buy and build. A woman can use her creative energy to create, manifest and bring to fruition using the power of money. The woman who uses her mental strength and creative energy to employ money to improve her life and the lives of those around her is a wise woman indeed.

Sometimes the appreciation of situation fills us with such joy; it is more fulfilling than any object that money can buy. People fill our lives with joy and our connections are precious. Those who live life with a daily attitude of gratitude are happy people beyond worldly riches. There are always daily tasks and logistics to manage and the right attitude will make a world of difference in how you appreciate life.

Abundance is a mindset as well as physical wealth. If you look at beautiful objects and desire them it creates an opportunity for those objects to come into your life. If you look at beautiful objects owned by another person with jealousy or judgment, is casts a negative energy towards you, not just the owner of the beautiful object.

Abundance is a form of giving. You give because you have something to offer, something to share, something to contribute. Women, who are the "managing director" of a committed relationship, take the role of nurturing to heart. Sometimes a woman "over-gives" to the point of depletion, which does not fulfill the action of becoming a complete woman. Becoming depleted does not value who you are and creates imbalance. It may cause resentment.

Everyone has the opportunity to use their conscious mindset in their daily life. The conscious mindset expands and fills you with possibility and wonderment. A retracted consciousness is result of the repetitiveness of daily routine and daily logistics without stimulation. Having a common goal with your mate keeps you focused and on course. Having a common goal reminds you of the big picture and the abundance that is truly available to share with each other.

Ideally, the man will appreciate the woman's role as "managing director" of the relationship as she traverses daily routine logistics. It makes it so much easier when someone is providing recognition for your efforts and gives you a boost to accomplish more.

TRUSTWORTHY. Trust is one of the foundations of a relationship. With trust in place, you can strive to accomplish more without second-guessing. Trust provides a sense of security. There are many ways you can engender trust in another person. Both the man and woman create a sense of trust in the other. A woman creates trust in her man by creating the sense that she is there for him (in return he will not abandon or desert her), she has a sense of what is good for him, she let's him know that she has his highest interests at heart, she let's him know that she makes it a priority to meet his needs by using the power and means at her disposal to fulfill his needs. She strives to "come through" for him in good times and rough times. Her underlying intention is a key component in her action as sometimes obstacles get in the way. It is not only the thought that counts but the effort and action that she exerts to fulfill the trust that she's promised.

In return for her trust and her good intention, the man brings back riches to share and develops mental, spiritual, physical and emotional bonds with her.

A woman has a great capacity to love a man. Her intention is critical in bringing out the best in her man. Her admiration of his effort and respect of what he focuses on as important sets the tone in the relationship. She influences him with her broader vision. She lets him know that he is a vital link that connects them together and as people and connects them to the human condition that is beyond them. The pledge of love is a commitment of trust as individuals and to the betterment of humankind.

ALIGNED INTENTION. As mentioned, the intention of a woman is critical in bringing out the best in her man. Her intention has to be 100% pure. As humans acting with 100% pure intention takes exceptional effort. A woman must endeavor to align her intention, her thought, with her words and actions. Aligned intention is when the intention matches and lines up the thought behind it.

Yes, you can go through the motions of doing something when your heart is not in it. Yes, you can be forced, cajoled, shamed or obligated to do something. Yes, you can act in an insensitive way or speak in a harsh tone, cast a mean glance and still do the action that is asked of you. We are judged according to our deeds but when the deed is out of alignment with the intention, it does not have the same impact.

It may be better to pause for a moment and gather yourself and your thoughts first before acting. Your intention is injected into the action you perform. And, as the saying goes, what you do comes back to you. So align your pure intention of thought with your words and actions.

DISCERNMENT. Discernment is the conscious intention of your will to understand the different energies of people, of situations and to act accordingly. Discernment takes awareness and practice to develop. Each person you interact with requires a different form of treatment. Some people need direct orders and specific instructions. Others need just a general overview. Still others want to participate in creating or defining the structure or format. And others want the structure in place in advance so they have a place to insert their creative ideas. Each person responds differently and it takes discernment to understand the motivation behind a person to have them respond in the best possible manner.

Part of the woman's role of the "managing director" of the relationship is to nurture. Nurturing requires a measure of loving kindness and use of strength. If you ask for assistance in a simple daily task, such as taking the garbage out, it will be better performed if there is a reason to go with it. You make the statement - Please take the garbage out: because the kitchen will smell better or because it makes me happy to have a neat kitchen or because we don't want bugs to come or because guests are coming over. One of the "because" reasons will resonate with the person you are asking to provide assistance. Discernment is part of understanding what underlies a person's motivation to take action.

A woman must lead by example and perform deeds to aid your relationship and your family. If it appears you are not willing to take action then the people you influence are affected. Even better is to act with enthusiasm and eagerness with the task at hand as a reflection of your attitude. Your attitude with your action speaks louder than words.

ASTUTE DISTINCTION. We live in a global world. Cultures are melting together and accessibility is everywhere. We can email and phone someone on the other side of the global almost instantaneously.

Where do you stop and the other person begin? Yes, there is a physical body that defines you. How do you feed your physical body and your mind? Do you let anything come into your mind and influence you? What outside influences are affecting you today that may be poisoning your mind instead of nurturing your mind? Are you actively making a selection and distinguishing between that which will serve you and your man? Or are you sucked in by the latest fad or whim? Are you astute in how you distinguish the motivation within yourself or within others?

When you expose yourself to situations at home and afar it can serve to enhance your life. It can also introduce harmful effects. You cannot protect every situation but you can employ astute distinction to differentiate what will truly serve you and what will cause harm.

Getting back to the common goal of your relationship that guides you, remember to use astute distinction to make quality decisions to improve the direction of your life and what you introduce to sustain your life.

ENCOURAGING EFFORT. Putting effort into something takes action. Being energetic is important in meeting the needs of the people in your life. Small children need lots of physical effort; teenagers require mental effort in interactions.

Part of effort is the intention which is the underlying theme when it comes to actions. Taking the time to plan means you intend to imagine that which you are planning with a specific result. The result does not always turn out as you plan. Taking the time to plan is a form of encouraging the outcome instead of hoping for spontaneous results.

How you encourage your family is different than how you encourage the people you work with. Your family has certain freedoms and allowances. The people you work with require specific encouragement according to their role or position and what they are being paid to accomplish. The people you work with may be expecting a raise or a promotion and your encouragement, effort and participation may be critical in their success.

At home success includes encouraging a person's self-worth and self-confidence in addition to their individual effort toward a specific goal. A woman can see the potential in another person and she uses her positive effort to help actualize and encourage the efforts of the other person.

TRANSACTIONS. Transacting business, transacting the logistics of life, transacting the household all require different forms of contribution and participation.

Many women work for a paycheck today in addition to being homemakers. That puts added stress on the schedule and the relationship. She is productive at work, she is productive at home and she assists her family in becoming productive people. A woman can draw on various talents and abilities to juggle all that she has taken on to accomplish.

As the saying goes, you reap what you sow. Completing these different transactions and at the same time maintaining harmony in the home is critical to creating long-term success in your relationship.

POSITIVITY RECEPTOR. Women are known for much self- criticism, emotional weaknesses, feeling emotionally overwhelmed and stressed out, often because they don't take time for themselves and they often perform non-stimulating and repetitive (albeit much needed) tasks.

How can a women change from being the usual negativity receptor to become a positivity receptor? It starts with an attitude and a feeling of self-worth. A woman can create her personal goals that are achievable and attainable. A woman can ask others to "review" what she has accomplished. It is usually the bride who ends up with the broom in her hand. Taking the conventional role is easier if it is appreciated. At the end of the day engage in a simple conversation "this is what I feel good about today and here's a few areas that I would like to improve" provides a forum to be heard as well as feedback and recognition by the husband. Praise is a great positivity receptor.

A woman's mood affects her ability for positive recall. You can break a pattern of a bad mood by watching a comedy, reading an inspiring story, or calling a friend and asking them to only you tell you positive things about yourself. Have a friend verify the good in you and you can repeat back the words you just heard. We are motivated to believe good so it is best to get good feedback to verify your thoughts and beliefs. You can revise your genetic wiring with good input from outside sources. Amazingly the brain can rewire the neural pathways. It takes time just like exercising over a period time improves your physique. Apply a conscious mindset and awareness to anchor positive memories, positive opinions, and positive self- verification to create increase personal self-worth and positivity.

ILLUMINATING REFLECTOR. Women have the amazing ability to radiate goodness. Women can illuminate a room with warmth and a big smile. If the candle is the source to feed the flame, it is the flame that shines brightly, however it cannot shine without the source to fuel it.

To perceive another person's goodness is to reflect back to them with encouragement and admiration.

Just as a candle can illuminate a dark room the moon's reflection of the sun can illuminate the night sky. Women can be and often are the source of illumination and reflection for others.

EBB & FLOW. One of the great reflectors is the moon that reflects the sun's light. The moon has varying degrees of reflection with the full moon being the brightest reflection. The phases of the moon are caused by the ebb and flow of the tides.

A woman's menstrual cycle is affected by the moon.

In the love relationship, a man and woman have time together in intimacy and take time apart to appreciate each other when they reconnect again. There is an ebb and flow to the separation and bonding of intimacy. When a woman has a sense of security in her relationship (where she does not feel abandoned or deserted) she can put her energy into her own goals and also reflect back to the man in her life as part of the ebb and flow of relating.

CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTION. It is women who help hold society together. Women run many charitable foundations. Women look towards the community to see who needs assistance and arrange charity.

Sometimes charity is needed on a short term basis. Sometimes it is needed on a long term basis. Sometimes charity is given anonymously. Sometimes it is know who is supporting the needy.

The giver is also a receiver. Without someone to give to, how can the giver contribute? It takes a giver and receiver and they both benefit. Discernment is required to know how, when, and how much to give.

Discernment is required to determine the type of person or situation to give to according to your means and personal values. Some people like to give to "far away" charities and others to local charities. Some people like to give to personal situations and others to large organizations. Some people are prompted to give when there is an emergency such as September 11, 2001 or Hurricane Katrina. Others provide charity in a regular, often silent small contribution to several charities. It depends on the psychology of the giver and there is no one way for everyone.

CHARACTER FLEXIBILITY. Becoming set in your ways seems to creep quickly upon us and some people are more susceptible to being rigid and unchanging than others.

In an effort to protect ourselves and provide for our life we can get stuck in a rut. We can get caught up in the illusion of keeping up with the Jones', sacrificing our true self to external demands and even to emotions such as being consumed by anger that creates an immobility to move in any direction or feeling paralyzed.

A conscious mindset it required to thaw the frozen rigid ways of being. There are different ways of doing something that may reshape and create new freedom and mobility. Character flexibility is derived from a conscious mindset and an awareness of personal qualities. The ability to use your God- given strengths, talents and qualities provide the self- expression of your individual character.

Be aware that the being flexible like a chameleon or a shape- shifter does not serve you. You have to maintain the core of who you are and not be so flexible that you loose your own essence. Women are pleasers and at the same time a woman must hold onto her sense of self and self-worth.

A woman can influence and steer the direction of her mate towards the common goal of the relationship and his life's purpose. A woman can influence her children by encouraging and developing their dominate characteristics along with some character flexibility that allows for positive change and improvement.

ENVIRONMENT. The woman as the "managing director" of the relationship nurtures people and the environment. She wants to create a beautiful home atmosphere to live in and for others to enjoy. She wants to express herself with beautiful clothes and jewelry so that she is pleasant to the eye of the beholder.

As mentioned in Aligned Intention, a woman must endeavor to align her intention, her thought, with her words and actions. This sets the stage for what people experience in both the physical environment and how they mentally process a situation.

Years ago I took a course in the study of language. We were to determine if language affected thought or vice versa. I believe it is both. In addition, actions affect thought and language. A noble deed may be looked upon and spoken about admirably and later thought about as a positive memory.

A simple action of going to the garden to cut fresh flowers may bring happiness to someone who enjoys the beauty and aroma of the flowers. The smell may illicit positive memories that are discussed with joy.

Appreciation of the effort by another person to create beauty that is shared and enjoyed by everyone who encounters it makes the creation of the beauty so much more valued.

Respect for the environment and the balance required to keep that land fertile takes conscientious effort on behalf of people to care for and to not exploit the land. In addition to people, a woman must take into account nature and the greater powers that keep the rains flowing and the sun shining. Part of reaping the fields after a successful harvest is to share with those who are needy and destitute. Sharing the fruits of the field for commerce and charitable contribution is part of having the environment support humankind.

It has been said that woman are compared to the earth and men to rain. The earth absorbs the rain and beautiful fruit emerges from the earth. A woman helps her man actualize his potential by providing an environment for his creative potential.

POSITIVE INFLUENCE. In describing woman as the earth and men to rain, there is a cycle of evaporation and condensation to create rain. The rainforest is lush and the desert is dry. The environment of a rainforest has daily rain. The way a woman receives a man's influence and the environment that is present is how he experiences his own ability to give forth. He influences externally and she influences internally which is a more subtle yet equally powerful means of influence. The woman absorbs the man's influence.

A woman is a major source of influence in a man's life. Ideally, her influence will be positive. Sometimes her influence causes blockages and the man may struggle to get ahead. Sometimes her influence creates the space for his self- expression to flow freely and relate to the world in wonderful ways.

We know the saying: behind every great man is a great woman. A woman as a source of influence is often overlooked on how she influences the man in her life. He may recognize and praise her positive influence and she will likely be reinforced to act in accordance to influence him positively again. Her source of energy can open up the state that represents a free flow from the stream on consciousness for her man. She can continue to assist him and open his opportunities with her positive influence. Often this is done in private and on the sidelines. He gets the accolades, yet she is the source of positive influence that initiated the action that he is getting admired for. She uses her insight and woman's intuition with modesty and humility. She does not need the spotlight on her because she knows that she is part of the source behind his accomplishments. She does not need to have her ego stroked because she knows that the results of his success will be brought back and shared with her.

Whether you believe Darwin's theory (which is scientifically proven to have flaws) or if you believe the story of Adam and Eve (which is not scientifically proven) it is clear that women are here on this planet to be helpmates and lovers to men. Women are the psychological, spiritual and physical helpmates to men. Women enable men to reach and actualize their potential.

A woman is an extension of a man and his actions are assumed to be like her actions. If he is full of ego-oriented activities it is the woman in his life that can influence him to clarify his actions and focus on a nobler purpose. A man's identity is intertwined with a woman's supreme image of him. There is a link in behaviors and there is mutual influence. Sometimes there is a resistance to influence especially if it is perceived to be for self-importance or self-serving needs only. She will influence him in the ways she sees support the various aspects of his personality and ideal potential.

A woman is a driving force of influence in a man's life. A woman is often the motivation, cause and inspiration in a man's life. When he is praised, part of that praise is through her influence.

LIVELIHOOD. Self-expression comes in many forms. It can be in how a woman chooses to express in her work, in her home, through her family and friends. Already noted, a woman transacts with others using her insight to others and in return, receives gratification and insights from others. She transacts in ways that is for the highest good for herself, her man, and her family.

Self-expression is harnessing your creative energy to put yourself forth in the world. A woman is motivated to explore and there is consideration to move in a direction that will take her, her man and her family to new heights.

Like the electron that moves around the atomic nucleus, once in a while it moves out of orbit, out of the usual sphere, realm, boundary or directional path. Once in a while there is a deviation from the norm for short burst and then it returns to the usual orbit. There is a certain amount of control as well as the occasional spontaneous indulgence as self-expression and livelihood are experienced in the world.

DIGNITY. You can be wearing the beautiful clothing and crown of a queen so that outwardly you look like a queen. A queen is assumed to act in a dignified manner. Externally we may project an image of ourselves. Our true self, our internal self, shines through the theme of our thoughts, word, and actions. Dignity is part of our self-description and is reflected in her words and actions that are usually initiated in her thoughts.

If a woman is attached in a dependent way to her man with the need for approval it affects her dignity. If a woman has inner awareness of her self-worth then her dignity will shine forth through her words and actions. Knowing your inner values and inner strength will show in your manners and dignified expression.

When all around her looks devastating, a woman can hold onto her self-dignity. She can be courageous in times of trouble, she can draw upon inner strength to be daring and brave, and rise above her self-limitations. She can do this in a dignified way by being fearless to overcome obstacles on behalf of the people she cares about and serves.

In addition to the rough times, the good times create opportunities for laughter that can be expressed with dignity. You can laugh for joy, you can laugh maliciously, you can laugh in disbelief, you can laugh at the absurd, and you can laugh at humor which is the usual form of laughter. There is a dignity of spirit when you laugh for joy and with a perspective to share this joyfulness with others.

WISE WORDS. There is a time in everyone's life that they say something and while the words are flying out of their mouth there is already regret and they wish they could take them back.

The mind directs our actions both voluntary and involuntary actions. Our mindset, where we are acting from a base mindset of self-gratification or where we are acting from an aware conscious mindset that requires a higher level of consciousness and thoughts and concerns for other will determine what words come out of our mouth. You can talk from your own mind or you can be speaking from a stream of consciousness as if your words are being channeled. There is a saying: Think before you speak and think before you act.

Wisdom is seeing how the present will transform into the future. Wisdom is an understanding of the impact of actions and consequences, and cause and effect.

Women are usually social creatures, talking and chatting and networking together. Woman like to become match makers for love relationships, as well as matching people's needs and joining people in the community.

Women are the great talkers on our planet in every culture. Women talk to other women and reveal details of their private lives and allow all women to participate in the discussion and they pay attention to the details of conversation. Women strive to build connection and intimacy through communication. Women have significant conversational overlaps with less assertive speech than men that may cause men to think women are weak, indecisive, or uninformed.

Who are you having conversations with? What subject matters are you discussing? There is a famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. Are you gossiping or are you filling your mind with knowledge that will serve your life?

Wisdom is a mental capacity to receive and process information to make sense of the information that you can apply it to daily life. It is not simply to philosophize or to discuss in abstractions like a textbook, wisdom is to be applied to life. It is with good intention, faith and mercy that wisdom is applied. By observing the meaning in things and using wise words to express it, a woman can elevate and connect to the people around her.

WISE OBSERVATIONS. Wisdom sees the interconnectedness of the past, present, future as well as physical and spiritual connections. Wisdom is seeing future implications. Focus time wisely on what you see today that will endure into the future.

A wise woman observes a situation and determines whether it is worth delving deeper into that will take her time, attention and focus. She chooses her causes wisely. She keeps an eye on the things that will affect the future in a serious way and what things are insignificant. She knows that the law of attraction is: what you focus on expands. She focuses wisely by seeing the impact of taking action today and how it unfolds into the future.

Feeding the mind and human intelligence is a complex process. Many times, after the fact, we attempt to fit a meaning onto a situation to suit our belief system. We attempt to create truth to support and rationalize a situation to justify what has happened. We may try to retrofit acceptance when we know through previous wise observations that the probable outcome was not acceptable. This is a lazy way to operate.

Wise observation requires wise intervention at the onset and if you do not take appropriate timely action, you are responsible for the results. Inaction for whatever reason is not an excuse. Wise observation can elicit enthusiastic action, and often the action requires effort. Even if the wise observation shows that the results will take a long time to come to fruition, it is worth it to put in suitable effort. As in the life of a mother, often she does not have immediate feedback on her good mothering skills until much later in the child's life. Fortunately, most mothers trust that the results of their heartfelt and wise actions will result in delightful, successful human beings.

JOYOUS RECOGNITION. The vision that a mother has for her children that sustains her through the children's demanding youthful years is realized as a future reward.

A mother raises her children to the best of her ability. A mother sees the potential of a child and strives to help develop individual potential. Part of the recognition is seeing the child for who he or she is, seeing inner talents and strengths and encouraging those strengths and individual potential.

Children respect their parents and rise up to give honors and appreciation. Children appreciate that a mother has seen them for who they are and for the fact that she recognized and acknowledged their uniqueness. Your parents created you physically and influenced your direction in life with their own words and deeds. The actions of a child are recognized as being the responsibility of the parent until the child is of adult age. One of the Ten Commandments is to honor the father and the mother. There is deep joy in recognizing a mother's merits and efforts in what she does to expand your life.

The husband, acting from his free will, feels that his wife is deserving of praise and verbalizes it. He recognizes who she is what she does and he gives gratitude. He recognizes all that she is.

HUMBLE VIRTUE. It is not just what we do to improve our own life that matters; it is what we do to improve the lives of others.

There is no public competition to be a person of consciousness and awareness of how your actions affect others. There are no Olympic Games bringing people together to compete on virtue, modesty, or humility. Many times it is through a spiritual path or religious focus that someone becomes conscious and aware. There can be no competition in this realm as all paths lead in the direction that is right for the individual.

The only comparison is to yourself and the inner voice that guides you. You know if you are improving and surpassing your personal goals in the actions you take daily to become a better person.

INNER ESSENCE. Words are labels and not everyone uses the same internal dictionary to reference the meaning of the words or word phrases. There are limitations to our understanding through education, intellect, perspective and level of open-mindedness. We are limited by our five senses and even by our instinct and intuition. We label subjectively and we judge others subjectively.

Our inner self, our essence, is good, no matter what actions we take. Sometimes we commit noble deeds and sometimes we commit transgressions, nonetheless, we are still essentially good.

Grace, the demeanor of charm, poise, elegance, and refinement are appealing to some and others may perceive it to be snobby. The person's inner merit is still good regardless of whether their outer action or style appeals to you.

Beauty is perceived in the eye of the beholder. What you are taught is beautiful may become your standard of beauty which may follow the idea of symmetry of features. Everyone has a subjective idea of beauty regardless of how much the advertising world attempts to persuade us.

Beauty and grace are outward expressions that are subjective and the motivation to be attracted to grace and beauty is based on individual interpretation. What motivates you to take action can be the consequence of fear or reward; to avoid pain or to get pleasure. These are outward motivations.

We often compliment others based on outward grace and beauty.

Inner motivation, coming from your essence, encompasses the awe of nature, life, God, and ultimate truth. Many times this is an inner feeling that is not expressed in words, it is an inner knowing. The effort to learn about the inner workings of the universe and the spiritual realities is a noble pursuit.

Mother Teresa embodied the righteous pursuit of study of God to improve her thoughts and mindset and she took massive action daily to implement changes in the world. She gained an inner glimpse of the divine and brought it to the world through her thoughts, words and actions. She endeavored to improve her mind with spiritual study and through her feeling of awe of God (sometimes described as fear of God), took action to help others as her manifestation of the divine. Do you compliment and praise a woman for studying and learning about God and the universe? These dignified pursuits are praiseworthy.

CROSSING THRESHOLDS. There is a romantic notion that the groom carries the bride over the threshold. Each time we enter a doorway, open a gate, to pass through, we open opportunities and possibilities.

We bring to fruition that which we have put effort into. When a child enters the world there has been nine months of effort beforehand. The mother then leaves behind the state of pregnancy. When we enter the auditorium on graduation day there has been years of effort culminating in the diploma ceremony. The student then moves onto further study or to work in a chosen field. These examples come with congratulations and praise as part of the pivotal event of crossing the threshold.

There are other doors we open and thresholds we pass that do not receive outside praise and accolades. Sometimes we enter situations that create problems. Sometimes we enter situations that shine goodness into our lives. Often there is a culmination of previous decisions, circumstances, and influences that bring us to that specific point in our lives. And, as the saying goes, this too shall pass. However, while you are in the moment, it is your actions that speak louder than words.

The intention behind a woman's actions plays a huge part in the delivery of the action. Her intention behind her influence is how her inner essence shines forth. Her inner essence is reflected in her thoughts that translate into her words and actual deeds. A woman grows and develops not for the purpose of receiving praise but for the purpose of betterment of herself and those in her life.

Praiseworthy is the action that is recognized as she crosses the threshold from one situation into another. Ideally a woman's action is in alignment with her honorable intention and her inner essence. Who she is and what she does makes her the person she is; ideally an ultimate woman.

Love diplomats are skilled at negotiations which are settled by discussion and mutual agreement. Negotiations most often required PREPARATION. You start with identifying your own strengths and weaknesses particularly weaknesses such as anger. Anger is triggered like any other emotion and the triggers are it is personal. Do you know what causes you to become angry?

* Make a list of what triggers your anger. Become conscious of the triggers to get in front of your reaction and stop it before it takes over.

The opposite of connecting in a relationship is separating and causing division. The biggest emotion that causes disconnection is anger. It takes a skilled love diplomat to negotiate without slipping into anger or even start to cry which totally disarms a man. Then there is no love diplomacy only manipulation and separation.

Everyone feels anger. Anger is an emotion that is handled differently at different ages, at different times. Anger is detrimental to your physical and emotional well-being and the well-being of those around you.

Anger is part of the release of emotional energy and it is possible to channel the energy so it does not have a devastating negative impact. Anger should be controlled but anger not be suppressed so that it eventually exploded into uncontrollable rage, violence, physical disease.

(1) VOLCANO: She starts fuming so the man sees that she is about to explode with anger. He looks to run for cover and often she thinks he is deserting her.

(2) MINEFIELD: She goes along normally until something sets her off with no warning, no external clue that she's about to explode with anger. He stays in a retracted stance to not activate the explosion and she thinks that she has been abandoned.

Here is a list of ways you can avert anger. Some may apply to you and some may not in a particular situation. It is simply a list of suggestions, tools you can use, so use as many as you need.

• Create a "PAUSE" when everyone is angry in a situation. Before continuing to talk, change positions, get up, walk or take a sip of water and hold it in your mouth for three minutes before talking again. If the anger has not taken over, count to 50 or 100 to delay your reaction.

• Diffuse your anger over time. If you are angry, give yourself one whole day, 24 hours, before saying or doing anything to anyone. Write you what is making you angry and then destroy the paper (do not give it to anyone)

• Topic triggers. If certain topics trigger anger, avoid the topic. State upfront, this topic triggers my anger so it is best that for now I do not discuss it. Avoid unnecessary debates that lead to anger.

• Demeanor and tone. Speak in a pleasant tone of voice and keep your voice level. Sometimes even enthusiastic raised voices need to be brought down to a calm level of excitement. When you are calm in speaking, the person you speak to will also be calm. To really get the impact of your demeanor and tone, give permission in advance to someone to record your angry voice (you'll be unaware of it at the time it is being recorded). Later when calm, have the audio played back – you will be surprised at your tone and this may help you make a deliberate decision to stay in a calm voice.

• Use a conscious mindset. You can control your base reaction to a situation by engaging your conscious mind to analyze and assess the situation. Calmly decide on the appropriate words, the appropriate course of action and think before acting, reacting, or blurting out angry words.

• Ask for help. Employ whatever power you can attract to overcome your anger: pray to God, meditate, go for a walk, stop drinking alcohol, read love poems. Just get help in some form.

• Costs and Measurements. Promise to set money aside to give to charity every time you get angry. If you are motivated to keep your money, you may become more aware and get angry less often. Let someone know you are doing this so it will keep you honest. Make a chart to measure each time you get angry. These are forms of reinforcement to NOT BE ANGRY. This type of chart that you want to remain pretty much blank.

• Evil Eye. When you are angry, venomous looks spew out of our eyes. Avoid looking directly at the person you are angry with until you calm down.

• Spilt Milk. It is not worth crying over spilt milk and it is not worth getting angry at the person if it is an accident. Even if the person was aware that they did something that you do not like, do not react with anger. Respond with how the situation makes your feel such as disappointed or irritated using words not negative reaction with repulsive body language.

• Your Demands and Standards. Are your demands and standards achievable by the people in your life? Do you expect small children to be neat and tidy? Do you expect insane people to act normally? Give up your expectations and demands unless you have clearly expressed them so no one can read your mind. While we may wish that people are kind, considerate, thoughtful, generous, punctual, patient, understanding, careful, compassionate, supportive, fair and honest it is our own standard that we are measuring against. Stop thinking that someone SHOULD do something because is your personal value or individual truths and you will be less angry.

• Personal Tolerance. When you become frustrated or irritated do you give yourself permission to become angry? Do you tell yourself to tolerate your personal frustration? Do you tell yourself that you have the ability to tolerate by telling yourself calming statements that prevent becoming angry? A conscious mindset puts you in control of your reactions by diffusing the energy to one of acceptance.

• Acceptance and Passive Aggression. There are people who are in our lives that trigger your anger by their passive aggressive behavior. Often they do this unconsciously. If you become aware that you regularly react to a situation there are a couple things you can do. One: Call it out into the open – tell the person that what they do creates an angry reaction in you. This may make them more aware so they will stop triggering you. Two: Mentally picture the situation in advance and accept it. Brace yourself to stay calm and not react.

• Remove Expectations. If you expect someone to say "yes" and they say "no" can you accept their answer or will you be angry that they do not do what you want? Can you rephrase your demand to that it is more pleasant to them so there is a greater possibility that they can say "yes" to you?

• Respond with Humility. We can react in an angry way when we are rushed, under pressure, or tired. Stay calm and respond to the person by simply stating that you are pre- occupied and want to give them attention but now is not a good time. Is it possible to wait or find out what you can accomplish in three minutes and save the rest for later?

• Specific Incidents being exaggerated. What weight do we put on a specific incident? Does it have huge meaning or is it trivial? If you take a step back can you see if the issue is petty or minor in the big scheme of things? As they say, don't sweat the small stuff. Women in particular assign a meaning and conclusion to an incident. For example, if the man comes home late and there are dinner guests waiting, the woman may create a meaning that is that the man is not considerate and the conclusion is that he does not care about me. The fact is that he is late and getting angry does not make him less late.

• External Reminders. If you want to avoid becoming angry in a reactive way, put yourself in a position that everyone can see that you've reacted with anger. This takes great courage to show to other people. You can have a hat or T- shirt that says, I got angry today and wear it for an hour or two. Take a photo of yourself in the hat or T-shirt holding up a handmade sign with the date and issue you got angry about. This is a form of reinforcement. After creating a gallery of your angry moments you will not want to get angry. Destroy or burn the photos after you've been calm for an extended period of time. Remove the reminders once they have proved successful in helping you stay calm.

• Peace and Beauty. Focus on an "anchor" of peace and beauty when you start feeling anger to redirect your focus. Look at the peaceful a photo of your child, look at the beauty of nature, look at a photo of yourself with a big smile, trigger your wonderment of the life and dissipate the feeling of anger by channeling the energy into something positive and rewarding.

THE POEM

The poem that begins with the idea that a woman is more precious than pearls or rubies is in the Proverbs. There are different translations and below are two translations from two websites which are listed at the end under references. The second line of translation starts with a number that corresponds to the verse of the poem.

PRICELESS.
An accomplished woman, who can find? Her value is far beyond pearls.
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

TRUSTWORTHY.
Her husband's heart relies on her and he shall lack no fortune.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

ALIGNED INTENTION.
She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

DISCERNMENT.
She seeks wool and flax, and works with her hands willingly.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

ASTUTE DISTINCTION.
She is like the merchant ships, she brings her bread from afar.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

ENCOURAGING EFFORT.
She arises while it is still night, and gives food to her household and a portion to her maidservants.
15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

TRANSACTIONS.
She plans for a field, and buys it. With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

POSITIVITY RECEPTOR.
She girds her loins in strength, and makes her arms strong.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

ILLUMINATING REFLECTOR.
She knows that her merchandise is good. Her candle does not go out at night.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

EBB & FLOW.
She sets her hands to the distaff, and holds the spindle in her hands.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTION.
She extends her hands to the poor, and reaches out her hand to the needy.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

CHARACTER FLEXIBILITY.
She fears not for her household because of snow, because her whole household is warmly dressed.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

ENVIRONMENT.
She makes covers for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

POSITIVE INFLUENCE.
Her husband is known at the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

LIVELIHOOD.
She makes a cloak and sells it, and she delivers aprons to the merchant.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

DIGNITY.
Strength and honor are her clothing, she smiles at the future.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

WISE WORDS.
She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the lesson of kindness is on her tongue.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

WISE OBSERVATIONS.
She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

JOYOUS RECOGNITION.
Her children rise and praise her, her husband lauds her.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

HUMBLE VIRTUE.
Many women have done worthily, but you surpass them all.
29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

INNER ESSENCE.
Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears God shall be praised.
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

CROSSING THRESHOLDS.
Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Poem References:

First line of translation:
http://judaism.about.com/od/shabbatprayersblessings/f/eshetchayil.htm
A Woman of Valor, called Eshet Chayil in Hebrew

Second line of translation starting with verse number:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=24&chapter=31
Proverbs 31 (New International Version)

© 2008 Sherrie Rose. All Rights Reserved.
Sherrie Rose, Love Linguist and Author of the  7 Ways to Fill Her Love Bucket!   www.HerLoveBucket.com